Tuesday, December 21, 2010
He battered me while I was pregnant
The 2010 16 Days of Activism against Gender based Violence officially ended on December 10.
During the campaign that annually starts from November 25, this year Zodiak Online has been bringing you stories of women that have suffered various forms of abuse because of being HIV positive and how they managed to sail through.
Now, because the end of the campaign does not necessary mean all people with ill minds have transformed, we will have to continue a little bit further in order to reach out to those that still believe that abuse of women is normal.
Today, we hear from Serenia Jokora – the youngest of all the women that have presented their stories on this special column.
Serenia is 33 years old. She hails from Undi Village in the area of Traditional Authority Chawuma is Dedza.
“It’s now three years since my husband abandoned me. He left for Kasungu. I’m told he is working in tobacco fields there”, she says, “He left me with a young child”.
Serenia was found HIV positive in 2005.
“It all started after I tested HIV positive during mandatory test at the antenatal clinic.
“He was furious when I told him the news and he said I should not involve him in the issue. At first he refused to go to hospital for testing, but later he accepted. He was also found HIV positive.
“Initially we had no problems in our family, but my husband just changed overnight. He started beating up me, more especially the time I was pregnant.
“He used to come home drunk and he would beat me up almost daily without any proper reason during my pregnancy.
“We quarreled on petty issues. For example, if any man passes by our house, he would ask me who the person was. If I say I do not know him, he wouldn’t listen and he would beat me up severely.
“On several occasions he infected me with sexually transmitted diseases but instead accused me of being a prostitute. I can assure you that since I got married I never slept with any other man apart from him,” she says.
Suffering in silence
Despite that she was battered by her husband for close to five years, Serenia never reported the matter to police or any organization that would have assisted her.
The only third party was involved was their marriage counselors.
“They tried to reason with him to stop beating me up, but he never changed until he left for Kasungu three years ago.
“It’s true that most women are suffering in silence. Most of us do not know where to seek assistance on these issues”, she observes.
“Over the past years I have been having problems to find food because I have five children. I work in other people’s gardens to raise money for my daily needs.”
Serenia comes from a Ngoni area where beer drinking among men is part of culture.
“Most of the men around this area are militant towards their wives when they get drunk. I have a number of friends who have suffered in the same way.
“My husband said he will come back. Anyway, I will accept him because of the children, Serenia says surprisingly.
A call for action
Serenia urges government and nongovernmental organizations to work together to civic educate women in rural areas on their rights.
“We need to know where we can seek assistance when we are abused by our husbands.
She is currently on antiretroviral treatment and says the medication has helped to invigorate her life.
Serenia concurs with the rest of the women that have spoken out during this year’s 16 Days Campaign that provision of soft loans to enable women living HIV start small-scale business is an area where government and nongovernmental organizations must invest adequate resources.
As a member of a community-based health and advocacy group she is one of the few people that have come out in the open in Undi Village to declare their HIV status who are campaigning overtly for increased rights of people living with the virus that causes AIDS.
“If my husband comes back today, I will not just go head to accept him. Now, we have several support groups here, like Chembe Community Based Organization which I joined last year.
“I will tell him to make a promise in the presence of members of the group that he will no longer beat me up. In fact, I will demand that he joins the organization before we can reunite”.
……………..
My Survival Story on Zodiak Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for South Southern Africa (OSISA)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
He never told me his status…
Winless Kaonga hails from Chitipa District in northern Malawi. To be specific, she is from Mwanamuyemba Village in the area of Traditional Authority Mwaulambia. She was found HIV positive in 2006. She has five children of which two are also HIV positive.
“We were then staying in Karonga”, she recalls how trouble started to creep into her life.
“My husband was sleeping around with prostitutes. He abandoned me and never paid rent for the house we were living in.
“I had to be taken care of by my relatives who came to see me in Karonga”.
Concerned over her deteriorating condition, the well wishers took her to Wenya, Village Headman Mtemamkondo in Chitipa.
“He followed me and pleaded that we reconcile. I accepted because we had two children born in our family and I was concerned about their plight”, she said.
When Winness went back to Karonga, she gave birth to a third child.
“After the birth our third child, he started behaving wildly again.
“But after some time he fell ill. His legs started swelling”, she says.
The rejected stone
“Despite that he abused me¸ I tirelessly looked after him. I took him to the toilet, bath him…and took him to hospital.
“All his relatives refused to take him to hospital. They said ‘he deserved the suffering’. They said that’s what he wanted.
“For six years, we did not know what was causing his leg problems. Then I started asking him to go to hospital to have an HIV test, but he strongly refused.”
“He could not walk. It was as if he was suffering from polio. Later he started coughing. He coughed throughout in the afternoon and during the night.
“I tried to reason with him that the radio says when a cough persists for three weeks people must take a sputum test in case they have tuberculosis, but still he could not listen to me.”
The cough, however, was so serious that probably he had no choice with sores in his throat and mouth. He accepted to go hospital where he was admitted.
She said: “I had to take him on a bicycle. At the hospital he was, however, just treated for the sores and we were discharged after some weeks.
“But a few days after we arrived home, somebody from the hospital came to ask us to return to the hospital because my husband had been diagnosed with TB.”
This time he was in the hospital for fourteen days.
“I think it was while he was under TB treatment, that he tested for HIV but he never told me.
“He refused whenever I told him that we should go together for an HIV test. Probably he already knew his status but he did not want to tell me,” she says.
Because he had TB his immune system was compromised. His condition could not improve.
“I continued to insist that we go for an HIV test until one day when he accepted. I was happy because this was what I had longed for many years”.
“When we arrived at the hospital I was surprised to see him producing documents indicating that he had already taken an HIV test and that he had been certified to start lessons for antiretroviral treatment.
“So, you already took an HIV, I asked him and he replied ‘yes’.
“I felt very bad because he violated my right to know his status as his sexual partner. To me this was gender based violence since all along I had been asking him that we go for HIV testing but he refused only to go behind my back and, worst still, decide not to disclose to me his status.
“I was confused and banged out of the testing room.
“I stood outside for a while but something touched my heart. I told myself that if I were to go ahead abandoning him, it wouldn’t be fair. It thought it would be tantamount to abuse since he was very sick.
“Then I went back and asked the doctor to have my blood tested for HIV. I was also found positive”, she explains.
After the lessons for ART, the husband was put on treatment and in no time his health was resuscitated! He was back on his feet again!
However, as her husband got better, Winness now started feeling the pinch. She was diagnosed with TB which had infected her backbone. She was also hospitalized for two weeks.
“After I left the hospital, I continued taking the drugs. Now my health is back to normal.
“I was told at the hospital that being HIV positive did not mean the end of my life. It was told that whenever I have any problem, I should rush to the hospital. This made me feel strong and to start planning for my future.
“Now I am able to work in our garden and do any other household work. If I get sick, then it’s just like any other person…malaria and the like. I receive medication and get healed.
“I would not have continued to have children if I had known my status, but all the same that’s what happened. Two of children are HIV positive”, Winness laments.
Burying the hatchet
Winness still lives with her husband because she forgave him.
“Our love has now grown even stronger after fourteen years in marriage. Probably he has nowhere to go now that he is HIV positive!” she says jokingly.
Winness feels men in Malawi wield more power than women hence her suffering. “The situation is now changing. The coming of women groups has helped to changed things. Women are now able to speak out against abuse but previously we were ignorant of our rights.
“In the past whatever they say was taken as gospel truth provided it is a man speaking, but now that’s no longer the case”, she says, “We want this continue. We should have more women in decision making positions to speak out for the rights of their colleagues sufferings in rural areas.”
A Call for Action
To make sure that she lives a healthy life, Winness joined the National Association of People Living with HIV and AIDS and the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS.
She urges women who have gone through similar ordeals not to despair but be strong and look forward to the future. “If you decide to walk away from the family, you’ll end up making your children orphans which is not good.
“Let’s speak to our husbands and try to guide them where they go wrong. Men should also take it upon themselves to end violence against women. They should speak to us in a lovely manner if we are doing something wrong other than resorting to having extra marital affairs. That cannot solve the problem.
“As women living with HIV, we want government to defend our rights. On our part she should also strive to have a united voice in ending violence against women and girls.
“I’m happy that my story has been told….it used to trouble me a lot, but now that I have spoken out I feel relieved because I know people will draw lessons from story.
______________
My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).
“We were then staying in Karonga”, she recalls how trouble started to creep into her life.
“My husband was sleeping around with prostitutes. He abandoned me and never paid rent for the house we were living in.
“I had to be taken care of by my relatives who came to see me in Karonga”.
Concerned over her deteriorating condition, the well wishers took her to Wenya, Village Headman Mtemamkondo in Chitipa.
“He followed me and pleaded that we reconcile. I accepted because we had two children born in our family and I was concerned about their plight”, she said.
When Winness went back to Karonga, she gave birth to a third child.
“After the birth our third child, he started behaving wildly again.
“But after some time he fell ill. His legs started swelling”, she says.
The rejected stone
“Despite that he abused me¸ I tirelessly looked after him. I took him to the toilet, bath him…and took him to hospital.
“All his relatives refused to take him to hospital. They said ‘he deserved the suffering’. They said that’s what he wanted.
“For six years, we did not know what was causing his leg problems. Then I started asking him to go to hospital to have an HIV test, but he strongly refused.”
“He could not walk. It was as if he was suffering from polio. Later he started coughing. He coughed throughout in the afternoon and during the night.
“I tried to reason with him that the radio says when a cough persists for three weeks people must take a sputum test in case they have tuberculosis, but still he could not listen to me.”
The cough, however, was so serious that probably he had no choice with sores in his throat and mouth. He accepted to go hospital where he was admitted.
She said: “I had to take him on a bicycle. At the hospital he was, however, just treated for the sores and we were discharged after some weeks.
“But a few days after we arrived home, somebody from the hospital came to ask us to return to the hospital because my husband had been diagnosed with TB.”
This time he was in the hospital for fourteen days.
“I think it was while he was under TB treatment, that he tested for HIV but he never told me.
“He refused whenever I told him that we should go together for an HIV test. Probably he already knew his status but he did not want to tell me,” she says.
Because he had TB his immune system was compromised. His condition could not improve.
“I continued to insist that we go for an HIV test until one day when he accepted. I was happy because this was what I had longed for many years”.
“When we arrived at the hospital I was surprised to see him producing documents indicating that he had already taken an HIV test and that he had been certified to start lessons for antiretroviral treatment.
“So, you already took an HIV, I asked him and he replied ‘yes’.
“I felt very bad because he violated my right to know his status as his sexual partner. To me this was gender based violence since all along I had been asking him that we go for HIV testing but he refused only to go behind my back and, worst still, decide not to disclose to me his status.
“I was confused and banged out of the testing room.
“I stood outside for a while but something touched my heart. I told myself that if I were to go ahead abandoning him, it wouldn’t be fair. It thought it would be tantamount to abuse since he was very sick.
“Then I went back and asked the doctor to have my blood tested for HIV. I was also found positive”, she explains.
After the lessons for ART, the husband was put on treatment and in no time his health was resuscitated! He was back on his feet again!
However, as her husband got better, Winness now started feeling the pinch. She was diagnosed with TB which had infected her backbone. She was also hospitalized for two weeks.
“After I left the hospital, I continued taking the drugs. Now my health is back to normal.
“I was told at the hospital that being HIV positive did not mean the end of my life. It was told that whenever I have any problem, I should rush to the hospital. This made me feel strong and to start planning for my future.
“Now I am able to work in our garden and do any other household work. If I get sick, then it’s just like any other person…malaria and the like. I receive medication and get healed.
“I would not have continued to have children if I had known my status, but all the same that’s what happened. Two of children are HIV positive”, Winness laments.
Burying the hatchet
Winness still lives with her husband because she forgave him.
“Our love has now grown even stronger after fourteen years in marriage. Probably he has nowhere to go now that he is HIV positive!” she says jokingly.
Winness feels men in Malawi wield more power than women hence her suffering. “The situation is now changing. The coming of women groups has helped to changed things. Women are now able to speak out against abuse but previously we were ignorant of our rights.
“In the past whatever they say was taken as gospel truth provided it is a man speaking, but now that’s no longer the case”, she says, “We want this continue. We should have more women in decision making positions to speak out for the rights of their colleagues sufferings in rural areas.”
A Call for Action
To make sure that she lives a healthy life, Winness joined the National Association of People Living with HIV and AIDS and the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS.
She urges women who have gone through similar ordeals not to despair but be strong and look forward to the future. “If you decide to walk away from the family, you’ll end up making your children orphans which is not good.
“Let’s speak to our husbands and try to guide them where they go wrong. Men should also take it upon themselves to end violence against women. They should speak to us in a lovely manner if we are doing something wrong other than resorting to having extra marital affairs. That cannot solve the problem.
“As women living with HIV, we want government to defend our rights. On our part she should also strive to have a united voice in ending violence against women and girls.
“I’m happy that my story has been told….it used to trouble me a lot, but now that I have spoken out I feel relieved because I know people will draw lessons from story.
______________
My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).
Snatched land, house…
When her husband died, Florence Luwe was inherited by her late husband’s brother in a traditional practice locally know as chokolo (wife inheritance). In her new family, however, nothing was rosy. She lost a house and land left to her by her deceased husband.
As we continue hearing from women who have suffered various forms of abuse due to their HIV status during this year’s 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence, Mrs. Luwe tells us her story. Her ordeal is a vivid example of how culture can fuel violence against women.
Mrs. Luwe lost her husband to an HIV/AIDS related ailment in 1991. She currently stays at Champhira in Mzimba, but her late husband hailed from Kaluluma in Kasungu, in central Malawi.
“I got married in 1972 and lived a happy family life until my husband died”, she starts narrating her story.
“When my husband died, I was inherited by his elder brother as part their culture which they say is meant to keep the family together”, she says, “I had seven children with my first husband, but none with my second.”
“From the onset, I had problems staying with my late husband’s brother. We quarreled a lot over petty issues. He started spending nights out and subsequently left for his home”.
Mrs. Luwe was falling sick frequently, but says she just took it for granted and did not bother to go for an HIV test.
“I did not know what I was suffering from, but I seriously got ill in 2004… and because I used to hear on radio that when one gets sick time and again, they must take an HIV test I decided to go for one and I was found HIV positive.
“When I informed him (the new husband) about the development, he got angry and there and then ended the marriage. This is now the tenth year since we parted ways.
“He went as far as throwing away the drugs (antiretroviral drugs) I received at hospital, accusing me of infecting him with HIV.
“I was bedridden from some time. But my health picked up when I started taking medication…so in 2008 I decide to back to my first husband’s home, Kaluluma, to inquire about the land where we used to cultivate maize and other crops.
“He refused to give me that piece of land. Instead, they (relations of the former husband) gave me another land without proper explanation. I did not argue with them. I just went ahead to cultivate on the new land.
“I went again in 2009 to reclaim my farmland. This time, I was told that it had been rented out.
“Then I asked about the house I had built with my first husband. I wanted to renovate the house because it had developed cracks, but again he denied me access to the house because his workers were residing in it. He actually said it was longer mine!”
Mrs. Luwe says this year again she has been denied access to her farmyard and the house.
“Since 2004, I have not received any assistance from my late husband’s brother who inherited me on the pretext of taking care of me and my children”, she laments.
“I feel I am being victimized because I am HIV positive.
“In our culture, women have limited rights. Men can do whatever they want and you cannot question them. Land, houses and everything is owned by men.”
She, however, says she will fight on to reclaim her farmland and the house.
“I’m worried mainly because of my children; where will they cultivate their crops when they grow up if they do not get this piece of land”, she says, “If don’t get back my land back I’ll will report the matter to human rights organizations or police. I’ve been patient with them because I thought we could solve this problem as a family affair”.
To keep her life going, Mrs. Luwe works as a ward attendant at Champhira Health Centre. “I use the little money I get to support my children.”
“Four my children have since gotten married.
“Presently I am not worried about my health. I am just worried about the future of my younger children. If I retire now, where shall they go? The only piece of land I had was the one which was taken away”, she says.
“If there are other women who have suffered the kind of abuse I have gone through, I urge them not to despair.
“We can start life afresh by looking for employment or engaging in small scale-businesses.
“I also urge financial lending organizations to offer women living with HIV loans for small-scale businesses”, says Mrs. Luwe.
Just like the four women we have previously heard from, Mrs. Luwe explains that joining a support group has helped to ease her life. She is a member of the Malawi Network of People Living with HIV/AIDS (MANET+) and the Coalition of Women Living HIV and AIDS.
She has also received support from Action Aid Malawi.
___________
My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).
As we continue hearing from women who have suffered various forms of abuse due to their HIV status during this year’s 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence, Mrs. Luwe tells us her story. Her ordeal is a vivid example of how culture can fuel violence against women.
Mrs. Luwe lost her husband to an HIV/AIDS related ailment in 1991. She currently stays at Champhira in Mzimba, but her late husband hailed from Kaluluma in Kasungu, in central Malawi.
“I got married in 1972 and lived a happy family life until my husband died”, she starts narrating her story.
“When my husband died, I was inherited by his elder brother as part their culture which they say is meant to keep the family together”, she says, “I had seven children with my first husband, but none with my second.”
“From the onset, I had problems staying with my late husband’s brother. We quarreled a lot over petty issues. He started spending nights out and subsequently left for his home”.
Mrs. Luwe was falling sick frequently, but says she just took it for granted and did not bother to go for an HIV test.
“I did not know what I was suffering from, but I seriously got ill in 2004… and because I used to hear on radio that when one gets sick time and again, they must take an HIV test I decided to go for one and I was found HIV positive.
“When I informed him (the new husband) about the development, he got angry and there and then ended the marriage. This is now the tenth year since we parted ways.
“He went as far as throwing away the drugs (antiretroviral drugs) I received at hospital, accusing me of infecting him with HIV.
“I was bedridden from some time. But my health picked up when I started taking medication…so in 2008 I decide to back to my first husband’s home, Kaluluma, to inquire about the land where we used to cultivate maize and other crops.
“He refused to give me that piece of land. Instead, they (relations of the former husband) gave me another land without proper explanation. I did not argue with them. I just went ahead to cultivate on the new land.
“I went again in 2009 to reclaim my farmland. This time, I was told that it had been rented out.
“Then I asked about the house I had built with my first husband. I wanted to renovate the house because it had developed cracks, but again he denied me access to the house because his workers were residing in it. He actually said it was longer mine!”
Mrs. Luwe says this year again she has been denied access to her farmyard and the house.
“Since 2004, I have not received any assistance from my late husband’s brother who inherited me on the pretext of taking care of me and my children”, she laments.
“I feel I am being victimized because I am HIV positive.
“In our culture, women have limited rights. Men can do whatever they want and you cannot question them. Land, houses and everything is owned by men.”
She, however, says she will fight on to reclaim her farmland and the house.
“I’m worried mainly because of my children; where will they cultivate their crops when they grow up if they do not get this piece of land”, she says, “If don’t get back my land back I’ll will report the matter to human rights organizations or police. I’ve been patient with them because I thought we could solve this problem as a family affair”.
To keep her life going, Mrs. Luwe works as a ward attendant at Champhira Health Centre. “I use the little money I get to support my children.”
“Four my children have since gotten married.
“Presently I am not worried about my health. I am just worried about the future of my younger children. If I retire now, where shall they go? The only piece of land I had was the one which was taken away”, she says.
“If there are other women who have suffered the kind of abuse I have gone through, I urge them not to despair.
“We can start life afresh by looking for employment or engaging in small scale-businesses.
“I also urge financial lending organizations to offer women living with HIV loans for small-scale businesses”, says Mrs. Luwe.
Just like the four women we have previously heard from, Mrs. Luwe explains that joining a support group has helped to ease her life. She is a member of the Malawi Network of People Living with HIV/AIDS (MANET+) and the Coalition of Women Living HIV and AIDS.
She has also received support from Action Aid Malawi.
___________
My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).
Rejected by family members
Catherine Martin comes from Mwepetha Village, Group Village Headman Bwanaisa, in the area of Traditional Authority Nkhumba in Phalombe.
She the fourth in the series of women telling us stories of abuse and militarism they have suffered upon declaring their HIV status as nations world over observe the 2010 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence.
Born on October 5, 1962, she got married in 1977. She has six children, but also takes care of one orphan.
“My husband died on 10 February 1999”, she starts her story. “I was prompted to go for testing because I was frequently getting sick. I used to suffer from malaria, knee swellings…And a friend of my late husband used to scoff at me saying I had contracted HIV from my husband.”
However, it was not easy for her to test for HIV. “Previously we had problems here in Phalombe. One needed to pay in order to get tested for HIV”, she recalls.
“I had to contact Likurezi Support Group and they sent their volunteers who took me to hospital and paid for me. Results of my test showed I was HIV positive and I was counseled right away on how to live my life healthily.”
So what went wrong?
“I started facing problems right from within my family. It all started when I declared that I was HIV positive during one public campaign in our area. I was shown on television declaring my status and calling on people to go HIV testing.
“This did not please my brother. Apparently he felt embarrassed by my confession and hired some people who were showering insults at me every day in the village. The people used to shout at me that I was going to die any day and that my children will be made orphans.
“My son was angered by this tendency and he beat up my brother. He (the brother) reported the matter to the area chairman, but the story did not go in his favour. The area chairman told him in the face that these were longer the days to scold people living with HIV.
“He told that if the matter was to be reported to police he would be locked up because he had violated my rights. He advised him to apologize to me, which he promptly did. He also promised before our village headman that he would not repeat what he did”.
She says discrimination and stigma against people living HIV still continues in Phalombe despite numerous campaigns nongovernmental organizations and AIDS support groups are under taking.
“We go about conducting public meetings in areas of various traditional authorities telling people to stop discrimination against people living with HIV, but still there are some people who are stubborn who do not want to change their attitudes”, explains Mrs. Martin.
Apart from what she went through she says her group has also documented stories of many other women suffering various forms of militarism upon declaring their HIV status. “Some men refuse to use condoms when having sex”, she says, “This is gender violence”.
Limited economic rights
Another common form of abuse women are facing, according to Mrs. Martin, is the tendency where men take supreme control of farm proceeds.
“We see a lot of women and men working together in the garden during cultivation, but when it’s time of harvest and selling, women are victimized, they have no say on how the earnings should be utilized”.
Mrs. Martin also claims not all vulnerable women, ‘especially members of the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS’ in Phalombe benefit from the government funded farm in subsidy programme.
“Even when we write funding proposals to NGOs, we are rejected. Perhaps they think we cannot do development work because we are HIV positive”, she laments.
Health care challenges
According to Mrs. Martin, women living HIV in the area of Traditional Authority Nkhumba are facing many challenges in terms of access to health care.
“In the past years, we had a very few doctors and a very few HIV testing centres. Now the situation is improving, but still there are many problems. Many women are dying here because we have a single CD4 count testing machine. When it breaks down, it takes a long time before it is fixed”, she says.
Worst still, the nearest hospital, Holy Family, is a private facility.
“Sometimes when you go there you can be charged MK 300(2 USD) whereas you only have MK 100 (0.66 USD). And then when you decided to go the district hospital, you find that the prescription you have been given at Holy Family, is not available the public clinic. You have no choice but to leave without getting any medication”, explains Mrs. Kanthiti.
Making ends meet through peace works
“Four of my children are in secondary school. I have problems in finding money for their school fees. I do piece works, such as cultivating in other people’s gardens, to find money”, says Mrs. Martin.
“Sometimes, I am unable work because of illness and I tell some of my children to assist me, but what it means is that they miss lessons at school”.
She has been receiving support, of course, from Likurezi AIDS Support Organization since 2000 and, of late, the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS (COWLHA).
She has been receiving beddings and medication from Likurezi, while COWLHA provided them with life skills training. Mrs. Martin says her decision to join a support group has helped to change her life in the sense that she is now more confident of her life.
“We encourage one another to fight on with life. Sometimes, I can leave my home with some qualms, but all these are gone when I meet my friends. We also go around campaigning against discrimination against people living with HIV”, she says.
A Call for Action
At Lukurezi, Mrs. Martin says, people with various problems pertaining to HIV and AIDS and gender based violence are counseled, her being one of the counselors.
“We target even those who are HIV negative”, she explains, “Some people think they are HIV negative because they’ve not gone for HIV testing, so we tell them the importance of under taking an HIV test and the benefits which we are seeing after knowing our status.
“If you go for testing, you are able to plan your future, but if you haven’t you do not know your status and you think everything is alright. We also target men. Men have a significant role to play in fighting HIV and promoting gender equality.
“For example, we teach men in this area to appreciate their wives when they demand use of a condom or a break from sex. Women and men are the same. They all get tired.
“Here we have a tendency of men who insists on sex even when their wives tell them they are not feeling well. If you say you have a headache, they would say, ‘it is only the head that is not feeling well and not the other side!’ So, these are some of the acts of male chauvinism we want to eradicate in this area,” explains Mrs. Martin.
To empower women, she says they must be given the opportunity to take part in various economic activities from which they can a living.
“NGO should approve proposals which we write to them so that we can fight the financial challenges which are facing”, she pleads, adding that: “I urge my fellow women to stop relying on men. Being HIV positive does not mean the end of life. We must engage into farming business and join support groups so that we can be self reliant and live a happy life.
____________
My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).
She the fourth in the series of women telling us stories of abuse and militarism they have suffered upon declaring their HIV status as nations world over observe the 2010 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence.
Born on October 5, 1962, she got married in 1977. She has six children, but also takes care of one orphan.
“My husband died on 10 February 1999”, she starts her story. “I was prompted to go for testing because I was frequently getting sick. I used to suffer from malaria, knee swellings…And a friend of my late husband used to scoff at me saying I had contracted HIV from my husband.”
However, it was not easy for her to test for HIV. “Previously we had problems here in Phalombe. One needed to pay in order to get tested for HIV”, she recalls.
“I had to contact Likurezi Support Group and they sent their volunteers who took me to hospital and paid for me. Results of my test showed I was HIV positive and I was counseled right away on how to live my life healthily.”
So what went wrong?
“I started facing problems right from within my family. It all started when I declared that I was HIV positive during one public campaign in our area. I was shown on television declaring my status and calling on people to go HIV testing.
“This did not please my brother. Apparently he felt embarrassed by my confession and hired some people who were showering insults at me every day in the village. The people used to shout at me that I was going to die any day and that my children will be made orphans.
“My son was angered by this tendency and he beat up my brother. He (the brother) reported the matter to the area chairman, but the story did not go in his favour. The area chairman told him in the face that these were longer the days to scold people living with HIV.
“He told that if the matter was to be reported to police he would be locked up because he had violated my rights. He advised him to apologize to me, which he promptly did. He also promised before our village headman that he would not repeat what he did”.
She says discrimination and stigma against people living HIV still continues in Phalombe despite numerous campaigns nongovernmental organizations and AIDS support groups are under taking.
“We go about conducting public meetings in areas of various traditional authorities telling people to stop discrimination against people living with HIV, but still there are some people who are stubborn who do not want to change their attitudes”, explains Mrs. Martin.
Apart from what she went through she says her group has also documented stories of many other women suffering various forms of militarism upon declaring their HIV status. “Some men refuse to use condoms when having sex”, she says, “This is gender violence”.
Limited economic rights
Another common form of abuse women are facing, according to Mrs. Martin, is the tendency where men take supreme control of farm proceeds.
“We see a lot of women and men working together in the garden during cultivation, but when it’s time of harvest and selling, women are victimized, they have no say on how the earnings should be utilized”.
Mrs. Martin also claims not all vulnerable women, ‘especially members of the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS’ in Phalombe benefit from the government funded farm in subsidy programme.
“Even when we write funding proposals to NGOs, we are rejected. Perhaps they think we cannot do development work because we are HIV positive”, she laments.
Health care challenges
According to Mrs. Martin, women living HIV in the area of Traditional Authority Nkhumba are facing many challenges in terms of access to health care.
“In the past years, we had a very few doctors and a very few HIV testing centres. Now the situation is improving, but still there are many problems. Many women are dying here because we have a single CD4 count testing machine. When it breaks down, it takes a long time before it is fixed”, she says.
Worst still, the nearest hospital, Holy Family, is a private facility.
“Sometimes when you go there you can be charged MK 300(2 USD) whereas you only have MK 100 (0.66 USD). And then when you decided to go the district hospital, you find that the prescription you have been given at Holy Family, is not available the public clinic. You have no choice but to leave without getting any medication”, explains Mrs. Kanthiti.
Making ends meet through peace works
“Four of my children are in secondary school. I have problems in finding money for their school fees. I do piece works, such as cultivating in other people’s gardens, to find money”, says Mrs. Martin.
“Sometimes, I am unable work because of illness and I tell some of my children to assist me, but what it means is that they miss lessons at school”.
She has been receiving support, of course, from Likurezi AIDS Support Organization since 2000 and, of late, the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS (COWLHA).
She has been receiving beddings and medication from Likurezi, while COWLHA provided them with life skills training. Mrs. Martin says her decision to join a support group has helped to change her life in the sense that she is now more confident of her life.
“We encourage one another to fight on with life. Sometimes, I can leave my home with some qualms, but all these are gone when I meet my friends. We also go around campaigning against discrimination against people living with HIV”, she says.
A Call for Action
At Lukurezi, Mrs. Martin says, people with various problems pertaining to HIV and AIDS and gender based violence are counseled, her being one of the counselors.
“We target even those who are HIV negative”, she explains, “Some people think they are HIV negative because they’ve not gone for HIV testing, so we tell them the importance of under taking an HIV test and the benefits which we are seeing after knowing our status.
“If you go for testing, you are able to plan your future, but if you haven’t you do not know your status and you think everything is alright. We also target men. Men have a significant role to play in fighting HIV and promoting gender equality.
“For example, we teach men in this area to appreciate their wives when they demand use of a condom or a break from sex. Women and men are the same. They all get tired.
“Here we have a tendency of men who insists on sex even when their wives tell them they are not feeling well. If you say you have a headache, they would say, ‘it is only the head that is not feeling well and not the other side!’ So, these are some of the acts of male chauvinism we want to eradicate in this area,” explains Mrs. Martin.
To empower women, she says they must be given the opportunity to take part in various economic activities from which they can a living.
“NGO should approve proposals which we write to them so that we can fight the financial challenges which are facing”, she pleads, adding that: “I urge my fellow women to stop relying on men. Being HIV positive does not mean the end of life. We must engage into farming business and join support groups so that we can be self reliant and live a happy life.
____________
My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
When church leaders play double standards
For most Christians, the church is a place for seeking solace in times of difficulty, but this was not the case with Lissy Chigadu.
Dawati Village in the area Traditional Authority Chikowi in Zomba, in eastern Malawi is where she hails from.
Born in, 1964, Mrs. Chigadu, is married but has no children. She had one, a boy, but he died sometime back. What she calls her children are her sister’s son and her husband’s younger sister.
“People think they’re my children”, she says in a soft voice that indicates her kind heartedness.
Well, that’s our topic of discussion. We want to hear her story as we observe the 2010 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence.
Mrs. Chigadu is the third in a series of women telling us stories of discrimination and abuse they went through because of their HIV status and her story is just as touching!
“I was not told by anyone to go for testing. I just heard on radio one day when they were talking about the importance of testing for HIV”.
When she told her husband of her intention, he welcomed the idea.
That was in 1997 after her husband had suffered from stomach ulcers for a longtime. “We went to hospital and several traditional doctors, but his situation could not improve”, she recalls of the incident that prompted her to go HIV testing.
“One day when we were coming from Thondwe Clinic to collect medicine for my husband, we decided to visit a voluntary counseling and testing centre along the way”.
Results of their tests showed that they all positive for HIV. There and then a new life had begun for the two. Her husband was put on anti-retroviral therapy right away while she was put on what is called CPT, where a person who is HIV positive but has a stronger immune system is only given anti-biotic drugs to counter opportunistic infections.
However, in no time, her immune system deteriorated. She was bed ridden.
“As a devoted Christian, I asked our church (name withheld) to bring a player house closer to my house because I was very sick to walk.
“The pastor who was in charge at that time sympathized with me and built a player house closer to my home, where I used to pray people with people from the surrounding community”.
The situation changed, however, when a new pastor was posted to the area.
“When the new pastor came, I was open with him. I told him that I was HIV positive and that I wanted him to assist me in praying to God so that I can wipe away my worries.
“But I felt like I had given him a burden, because he asked ‘what would happen to the church if I die’.
“The next day I went to church I heard that it was being closed, because they could not entrust it in an HIV positive person who would die any time. They said when I die there will be no one to take care of it. I thought they were not serious, but eventually the church was closed!”
Now she says she travels a long distance to pray at the main church.
Earning a living through farming
To keep her life going, Mrs. Chigadu works as a farmer. She grows maize, tomato, pigeon peas, and beans. She sells part of her produce and keeps some for household consumption.
“Apart from this I also save money in our village bank”, says, “Through this I am able to have a balanced diet on a daily basis”.
A Call for Action
Mrs. Chigadu recalls one moment when a colleague refused to give her a handshake for fear of acquiring the virus that cause AIDS from her. “She just gave me the tip of her fingers. I felt so embarrassed”, says Mrs. Chigadu.
She adds that there are also people in her neighborhood who laugh at people living with HIV. “People call us names such as ‘living dead bodies’. When they see you carrying a handbag, they say you are going to get some units, meaning anti-retroviral drugs”.
Another issue that bothers Mrs. Chigadu is the tendency hospital staff that tend to look down upon people living with HIV.
“I remember one day when I develop some rush on my skin. I went to hospital but when I entered the treatment room in the dermatology department the doctor asked what I was doing there.
“I told her that I had come to receive medication, and he said, ‘what type of medication?’ I said medication for my skin disease and he replied angrily “you do not have mandate to enter this office, this is my office, are you undermining me?’
“I reported to matter to our support group, Hope for Life, and the doctor was transferred because it turned out that it was only me who had complained against him”.
Mrs. Chigadu says in rural Malawi women living with HIV have rights, though limited in some ways. She says they have the right to complain to various authorities such as police when suffer any form of abuse. There are also many support groups that assist women living with HIV.
They also get support from the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS on various challenges which we face, she says.
“For example, we went to certain village called Kaliwo, where we found that the doctor was closing the hospital much earlier and that he was telling more than one patient to enter the diagnostic room at once which was an infringement on the right to privacy.
“We also visited Namikango to find out the problems our colleagues were facing at their clinic. There we found that people living with HIV were being told to line up on a separate queue – which in a way was publicly identifying them as people living with HIV. We intervened and the hospital changed the system.”
She agrees with our previous diarist Mrs. Sara Kanthiti that male chauvinism is leading to suppression of women’s rights in Malawi. “Because men are said to be the head of the family they tend to do whatever they want regardless of the rights of women”, she says.
“We have seen women who are being HIV positive being abandoned or beaten. Men abandon their wives at will. This tendency is growing here in Zomba”, observes Mrs. Chigadu.
“However I encourage women undergoing such traumatism not to despair. Being diagnosed HIV positive does not mean death. You are even better off than those who have not gone for testing.
“We should report any kind of abuse we face, be it at the hospital or any other place, to relevant authorities. If we are complaining against a doctor and he or she does not change the bad attitude, we have the right to demonstrate as women living with HIV to deliver a petition to the district commissioner’s office”.
On domestic violence she says: “If a man beats up her wife, it is everyone’s responsibility to intervene. Let’s advice our friend accordingly and report the husband to police. Reporting the man to police does not mean that we want him arrested, no! But the police have the victim support unit which is there to settle cases of domestic violence.”
She says if the police victim support units were spread across the country, gender-based violence could be reduced.
“Men should take it upon themselves to discuss with their wives when something goes wrong in the family instead of rushing to beat them up”, she adds.
Women should also be assisted with financial support to start up small-scale businesses as a way of being economically independent, she says, because ‘some men abuse women on the premise that they cannot stand alone if they decide to seek divorce’.
Mrs. Chigadu has a piece of advice: “I urge all those who have not gone for testing to do so now, because if they have HIV and delay to start taking medication it would be difficult for them to recover when they get sick.
_________
My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).
Dawati Village in the area Traditional Authority Chikowi in Zomba, in eastern Malawi is where she hails from.
Born in, 1964, Mrs. Chigadu, is married but has no children. She had one, a boy, but he died sometime back. What she calls her children are her sister’s son and her husband’s younger sister.
“People think they’re my children”, she says in a soft voice that indicates her kind heartedness.
Well, that’s our topic of discussion. We want to hear her story as we observe the 2010 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence.
Mrs. Chigadu is the third in a series of women telling us stories of discrimination and abuse they went through because of their HIV status and her story is just as touching!
“I was not told by anyone to go for testing. I just heard on radio one day when they were talking about the importance of testing for HIV”.
When she told her husband of her intention, he welcomed the idea.
That was in 1997 after her husband had suffered from stomach ulcers for a longtime. “We went to hospital and several traditional doctors, but his situation could not improve”, she recalls of the incident that prompted her to go HIV testing.
“One day when we were coming from Thondwe Clinic to collect medicine for my husband, we decided to visit a voluntary counseling and testing centre along the way”.
Results of their tests showed that they all positive for HIV. There and then a new life had begun for the two. Her husband was put on anti-retroviral therapy right away while she was put on what is called CPT, where a person who is HIV positive but has a stronger immune system is only given anti-biotic drugs to counter opportunistic infections.
However, in no time, her immune system deteriorated. She was bed ridden.
“As a devoted Christian, I asked our church (name withheld) to bring a player house closer to my house because I was very sick to walk.
“The pastor who was in charge at that time sympathized with me and built a player house closer to my home, where I used to pray people with people from the surrounding community”.
The situation changed, however, when a new pastor was posted to the area.
“When the new pastor came, I was open with him. I told him that I was HIV positive and that I wanted him to assist me in praying to God so that I can wipe away my worries.
“But I felt like I had given him a burden, because he asked ‘what would happen to the church if I die’.
“The next day I went to church I heard that it was being closed, because they could not entrust it in an HIV positive person who would die any time. They said when I die there will be no one to take care of it. I thought they were not serious, but eventually the church was closed!”
Now she says she travels a long distance to pray at the main church.
Earning a living through farming
To keep her life going, Mrs. Chigadu works as a farmer. She grows maize, tomato, pigeon peas, and beans. She sells part of her produce and keeps some for household consumption.
“Apart from this I also save money in our village bank”, says, “Through this I am able to have a balanced diet on a daily basis”.
A Call for Action
Mrs. Chigadu recalls one moment when a colleague refused to give her a handshake for fear of acquiring the virus that cause AIDS from her. “She just gave me the tip of her fingers. I felt so embarrassed”, says Mrs. Chigadu.
She adds that there are also people in her neighborhood who laugh at people living with HIV. “People call us names such as ‘living dead bodies’. When they see you carrying a handbag, they say you are going to get some units, meaning anti-retroviral drugs”.
Another issue that bothers Mrs. Chigadu is the tendency hospital staff that tend to look down upon people living with HIV.
“I remember one day when I develop some rush on my skin. I went to hospital but when I entered the treatment room in the dermatology department the doctor asked what I was doing there.
“I told her that I had come to receive medication, and he said, ‘what type of medication?’ I said medication for my skin disease and he replied angrily “you do not have mandate to enter this office, this is my office, are you undermining me?’
“I reported to matter to our support group, Hope for Life, and the doctor was transferred because it turned out that it was only me who had complained against him”.
Mrs. Chigadu says in rural Malawi women living with HIV have rights, though limited in some ways. She says they have the right to complain to various authorities such as police when suffer any form of abuse. There are also many support groups that assist women living with HIV.
They also get support from the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS on various challenges which we face, she says.
“For example, we went to certain village called Kaliwo, where we found that the doctor was closing the hospital much earlier and that he was telling more than one patient to enter the diagnostic room at once which was an infringement on the right to privacy.
“We also visited Namikango to find out the problems our colleagues were facing at their clinic. There we found that people living with HIV were being told to line up on a separate queue – which in a way was publicly identifying them as people living with HIV. We intervened and the hospital changed the system.”
She agrees with our previous diarist Mrs. Sara Kanthiti that male chauvinism is leading to suppression of women’s rights in Malawi. “Because men are said to be the head of the family they tend to do whatever they want regardless of the rights of women”, she says.
“We have seen women who are being HIV positive being abandoned or beaten. Men abandon their wives at will. This tendency is growing here in Zomba”, observes Mrs. Chigadu.
“However I encourage women undergoing such traumatism not to despair. Being diagnosed HIV positive does not mean death. You are even better off than those who have not gone for testing.
“We should report any kind of abuse we face, be it at the hospital or any other place, to relevant authorities. If we are complaining against a doctor and he or she does not change the bad attitude, we have the right to demonstrate as women living with HIV to deliver a petition to the district commissioner’s office”.
On domestic violence she says: “If a man beats up her wife, it is everyone’s responsibility to intervene. Let’s advice our friend accordingly and report the husband to police. Reporting the man to police does not mean that we want him arrested, no! But the police have the victim support unit which is there to settle cases of domestic violence.”
She says if the police victim support units were spread across the country, gender-based violence could be reduced.
“Men should take it upon themselves to discuss with their wives when something goes wrong in the family instead of rushing to beat them up”, she adds.
Women should also be assisted with financial support to start up small-scale businesses as a way of being economically independent, she says, because ‘some men abuse women on the premise that they cannot stand alone if they decide to seek divorce’.
Mrs. Chigadu has a piece of advice: “I urge all those who have not gone for testing to do so now, because if they have HIV and delay to start taking medication it would be difficult for them to recover when they get sick.
_________
My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)