He never told me his status…

Winless Kaonga hails from Chitipa District in northern Malawi. To be specific, she is from Mwanamuyemba Village in the area of Traditional Authority Mwaulambia. She was found HIV positive in 2006. She has five children of which two are also HIV positive.

“We were then staying in Karonga”, she recalls how trouble started to creep into her life.

“My husband was sleeping around with prostitutes. He abandoned me and never paid rent for the house we were living in.

“I had to be taken care of by my relatives who came to see me in Karonga”.

Concerned over her deteriorating condition, the well wishers took her to Wenya, Village Headman Mtemamkondo in Chitipa.

“He followed me and pleaded that we reconcile. I accepted because we had two children born in our family and I was concerned about their plight”, she said.

When Winness went back to Karonga, she gave birth to a third child.

“After the birth our third child, he started behaving wildly again.

“But after some time he fell ill. His legs started swelling”, she says.

The rejected stone

“Despite that he abused me¸ I tirelessly looked after him. I took him to the toilet, bath him…and took him to hospital.

“All his relatives refused to take him to hospital. They said ‘he deserved the suffering’. They said that’s what he wanted.

“For six years, we did not know what was causing his leg problems. Then I started asking him to go to hospital to have an HIV test, but he strongly refused.”

“He could not walk. It was as if he was suffering from polio. Later he started coughing. He coughed throughout in the afternoon and during the night.

“I tried to reason with him that the radio says when a cough persists for three weeks people must take a sputum test in case they have tuberculosis, but still he could not listen to me.”

The cough, however, was so serious that probably he had no choice with sores in his throat and mouth. He accepted to go hospital where he was admitted.

She said: “I had to take him on a bicycle. At the hospital he was, however, just treated for the sores and we were discharged after some weeks.

“But a few days after we arrived home, somebody from the hospital came to ask us to return to the hospital because my husband had been diagnosed with TB.”

This time he was in the hospital for fourteen days.

“I think it was while he was under TB treatment, that he tested for HIV but he never told me.

“He refused whenever I told him that we should go together for an HIV test. Probably he already knew his status but he did not want to tell me,” she says.

Because he had TB his immune system was compromised. His condition could not improve.

“I continued to insist that we go for an HIV test until one day when he accepted. I was happy because this was what I had longed for many years”.

“When we arrived at the hospital I was surprised to see him producing documents indicating that he had already taken an HIV test and that he had been certified to start lessons for antiretroviral treatment.

“So, you already took an HIV, I asked him and he replied ‘yes’.

“I felt very bad because he violated my right to know his status as his sexual partner. To me this was gender based violence since all along I had been asking him that we go for HIV testing but he refused only to go behind my back and, worst still, decide not to disclose to me his status.

“I was confused and banged out of the testing room.

“I stood outside for a while but something touched my heart. I told myself that if I were to go ahead abandoning him, it wouldn’t be fair. It thought it would be tantamount to abuse since he was very sick.

“Then I went back and asked the doctor to have my blood tested for HIV. I was also found positive”, she explains.

After the lessons for ART, the husband was put on treatment and in no time his health was resuscitated! He was back on his feet again!

However, as her husband got better, Winness now started feeling the pinch. She was diagnosed with TB which had infected her backbone. She was also hospitalized for two weeks.

“After I left the hospital, I continued taking the drugs. Now my health is back to normal.

“I was told at the hospital that being HIV positive did not mean the end of my life. It was told that whenever I have any problem, I should rush to the hospital. This made me feel strong and to start planning for my future.

“Now I am able to work in our garden and do any other household work. If I get sick, then it’s just like any other person…malaria and the like. I receive medication and get healed.

“I would not have continued to have children if I had known my status, but all the same that’s what happened. Two of children are HIV positive”, Winness laments.

Burying the hatchet

Winness still lives with her husband because she forgave him.

“Our love has now grown even stronger after fourteen years in marriage. Probably he has nowhere to go now that he is HIV positive!” she says jokingly.

Winness feels men in Malawi wield more power than women hence her suffering. “The situation is now changing. The coming of women groups has helped to changed things. Women are now able to speak out against abuse but previously we were ignorant of our rights.

“In the past whatever they say was taken as gospel truth provided it is a man speaking, but now that’s no longer the case”, she says, “We want this continue. We should have more women in decision making positions to speak out for the rights of their colleagues sufferings in rural areas.”

A Call for Action

To make sure that she lives a healthy life, Winness joined the National Association of People Living with HIV and AIDS and the Coalition of Women Living with HIV and AIDS.

She urges women who have gone through similar ordeals not to despair but be strong and look forward to the future. “If you decide to walk away from the family, you’ll end up making your children orphans which is not good.

“Let’s speak to our husbands and try to guide them where they go wrong. Men should also take it upon themselves to end violence against women. They should speak to us in a lovely manner if we are doing something wrong other than resorting to having extra marital affairs. That cannot solve the problem.

“As women living with HIV, we want government to defend our rights. On our part she should also strive to have a united voice in ending violence against women and girls.

“I’m happy that my story has been told….it used to trouble me a lot, but now that I have spoken out I feel relieved because I know people will draw lessons from story.

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My Survival Story on ZODIAK Online is sponsored by the Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (Osisa).